Black pudding ... rather anti-climactic I'd say.

Hello everyone! It's Sulky Saturday and the sun is still shining to fit with the whole summer theme over here. 

As my Mother and Father are away for the weekend my Grand-Mother decided to take me out for a meal, I obliged because free meals are nice and I love my Grand-Mother. (Shut it I do love some people!)

We went to a place called 'The Three Nuns' A nice little place that does good British meals. I ordered the same thing I ordered 6 months ago: An all day breakfast without the fried eggs. It was delicious and wonderful but I noticed something had been added since the last time I had eaten there. It was black pudding. 

Now if any of you out there haven't heard or read about black pudding it is essentially a sausage made entirely out of the blood of a pig. It's extremely healthy and high in protein, so it's all round good though many people don't eat it because of the obvious fact it's just completely made of blood. Not many people are a fan of just eating thick slightly chewy blood. 'Sept if you're a twilight lover and only eating it because the rest of your fan-club does.

I too had never eaten it, not because it was blood, no. I just had never thought to ask my parents to buy one or ask for it in a restaurant in case I didn't like the taste. Today was different, it was coming with things I knew I wanted to eat. So to hell with it I thought, it is time to eat some black pudding at last.

I can't truly describe the way I was disappointed. It was a mixture of melancholy and strange expectations not being met. Now you would expect either one of two occurrences:

A) It tasted awful and everyone around me was right even though they had never eaten it.

B) It was delicious and it was just another thing that people were too stupid to try.

Neither of these happened. Not in the slightest.

Black pudding, if I was asked to describe the taste. Tastes just like sausage. Without a shadow of a doubt it tasted just like the hundreds of sausage I had eaten over the course of my life. It was like tofu made to taste just like beef. Just as tasty, but a million times more healthy.

This disappointed me because it meant people were eating something they found delicious, but a healthier and almost exact alternative stood around the corner. Not eaten because of how it was made. It also meant that all men and women that said and still say it is delicious are basically liars. Because what they should say is: "It just tastes like sausage really."

I have never seen a coin land on its side so perfectly. No one was right in this debate. Even if I was a huge fan of sausages -which I am not- the people who said it was delicious were still lairs. Because that says to me it has its own unique flavour, which it doesn't. It tastes like sausage.

- Matt

I don't hate life.

I just hate life that is stupid.

Close but no cigar!

Hello my lovely readers! It is the Thursday of .... I don't think there is a word for sadness or anger or disappointment beginning with Thu. Oh well! It's Thursday and that's all that matters.


It was only mere minutes ago that I got the idea for this post. Thanks to the one and only Weird Al Yankovic and his song 'Close but no cigar' hence the title.


Now the song sings about a cat that has been with many women and can never seem to settle on one because of very small reasons. Such as: Using the wrong word in conversation and failing to realise it, Owning a copy of an awful DvD and having one earlobe bigger than the other.


I began to think how common this is in the real world. Not just among men but among women as well. We all like to pretend that when all of our relationships that ended, ended because of awful arguments or horrible catastrophes. Sadly, more often than not it is just over something trivial such as -see above-


It's strange how something so tiny can ruin your love for someone. Everything can be perfect for you: She could be smart, funny, cute but not overly attractive, a fan of anime and silly sit-coms but not childish ones, in love with the oldies in music like the ink spots and just a little bit shorter than you. But if she misses just one of those things it could be dyer for the relationship. The reason for this I am not sure of.


A lot of people say you just power through that stuff, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Maybe there is such a thing as fate and it isn't exactly what qualities a potential partner has, but the fact that it is that person. Who knows, eh?


- Matt
I don't hate life.
I just hate life that is stupid.

What odd thoughts we have, no?

Hello everyone it is 'F£$*&!% Friday' and what a glorious one at that.


As many people around the country I had a maths exam today. Happily enough I finished 30 minutes early and spent the next 15 minutes checking over my work and the last thinking. What those thoughts were I will share with you today.


Because of a mishap I have been trying desperately not to think about someone and sadly in exams that's all I've been able to think about other than the work at hand. So today I tried a new tactic and thought of a song. I imagined the band playing that song with their trumpets and what I presume would be a banjo if I hear it properly. Though even this failed when I began imagining that person dancing to the song in an admittedly odd fashion.


I attempted to counter this by filling the area they were dancing in with many other people and only their forehead was in view. Eventually this began to work as I started to imagine that bloke in the white suit doing disco dancing and all the fancy moves while everyone watched. I don't know the name of the particular move.


I continued to think about this and then thought about Ross Noble's joke about the only reason people made the circle was began the disco ball was actually a very large sparkly poo and they didn't want it to land on them. Which obviously is an undesirable thing to happen. And the only reason the man was still dancing was because he wanted to see how long he could dance underneath it without it falling.


But that's just one train of thought, a lot of the time I will think about anything. For example I once wondered that if the guy to the right of me's head exploded if I would have to retake the exam.


A common thought I have every exam is I begin to imagine what it would be like to suddenly grow wings. How everyone would be in shock and awe as my back burst with bones and feathers. Blood leaking from my shirt as I writhed in pain, then flew off laughing to myself.


Or that no one would give a shit and just keep on working until the end of the exam when everyone would crowed around and ask why I have wings.


Although I would always attempt to sleep when I am done with the exam; I would never be tired enough and my brain would run whiled. Constantly coming up with strange ideas and imaginings  that often make me wonder if I am still sane or not. Though that really doesn't have to be debated these days, but that is for another day.


- Matt
I don't hate life.
I just hate life that is stupid.

Holy crap this is a post? Where did these things go?

Greetings my loyal readers, you all look well. Have you been working out? Oh that new hair looks so dashing on you.


Now that the pleasantries of being reunited are out of the way, let's get on with things.


Today is as always a Weepy Wednesday. The weather is pleasant and my new shirt is comfortable and I am off school until Monday. Even though I will only have to go in for three lessons due to the nature of exams. So it isn't all that weepy.


Everyday when I walked to school, I stop at my old primary school and await the people I walk with. I simply stand at the gate leaning against one of the walls. Nothing special. 


Every morning I will see the same parents drop of the same students early so they can go to what is called 'Kids Club' to await the school to open its doors. Now none of this is exactly special but I will get to the point. Now among these students is one young boy probably in his last or second to last year of primary school. Each time I see him, he looks at me and I look back at him. None of this was aggressive or bemusement, we merely acknowledged each others existence.


Now one morning I decided to mix it up a bit. I smiled at the lad, not in any sort of weird way. I just felt like saying 'good morning' without saying the words. The surprising thing was that the boy did the same; he smiled back at me. From then on every morning the boy has smiled at me before I have even really woken up to do the same.


The point of all this is that there is still hope in the younger generation. As you may all know more often than not people that are younger than you -no matter your age- aren't exactly the easiest to get on with. Especially the newest generation of kids. The new 12-14 bracket has become a large group of disrespectful morons that think they own the world. Now I couldn't give a shit what they think because it's always funny to see people like that have their egos crushed when they realize the Earth revolves around the sun and not them.


Anyway, yes there is still hope. The youngest of this generation are still to some extent respectful of their elders and know their place. The only thing is we have to encourage this behaviour. Reward a child for being polite and chastise them for being rude. Also the big kicker is this: don't give them everything they ask for.


Parents seem to think that they have to be one extreme or the other. Just go with something and give them 1 out of every 3 things they ask for. And get them the second most expensive. Then work out an actual way to just say "no" every now and then.


- Matt
I don't hate life.
I just hate life that is stupid.

It's hot! This is England not Spain!

Hello my fine feathered readers, it's the Saturday of Solipsism and a beautiful Saturday of Solipsism at that.

Now England has been going through what I consider awful weather. Now most would consider it sticking around 26 degrees fantastic weather. Not me.

I loath the heat, I'm not a sadist and sit in the freezing cold, no. It's more that I hate forced heat. When I go outside and instantly start sweating and feel that a T-shirt and a pair of jeans is far too much clothing. I don't like it, I mean who would really?

I can understand the appeal of a nice sunny day and sitting on a field with your friends; chatting about all the strange things you like to talk about. That sounds lovely, but I don't need to be drenched in sweat for that, there can be clouds in the sky for a day like that to occur.

Now back on to forced heat. I like the cold for the main reason:

You can always put on more clothes, if you go outside naked people will through rubbish at you. So I like the cold for the opportunity to get warm. But when I am forced to be hot and cannot do otherwise I begin to get a little peeved. 

I like coming home from the chilly walk home from school -that wasn't so bad because I had my jacket on to keep me warm- and quickly grabbing a hot chocolate to warm-up even more. Then diving back into the cold to walk the dogs.

I do not like:

Coming home drenched in sweat from a hot walk home from school -which was made worse because not can I not take my shirt off when walking home I would not have the self confidence to do so anyway- and being hit by a wave of heat from a house that has been roasting up like an oven for me all day. Then soaking my dry throat in juice only for it to become dry again in the next few minutes. Then having to go back outside -after changing into clothes that will not really give me any benefit against the heat- back into the heat  to walk the dogs.

But I do admit that I do enjoy feeling cold too. The sensation it gives me as a cold breeze blows past my ears which are getting redder from the cold. The strange tingle on cheeks every time I breath. Also, who doesn't love seeing their misty breath float in front of their eyes?

Obviously I know I'm in the minority when I say I want it to rain all year round, but hey. Something about it appeals me. Not in a depressing manor, rain just looks nice.

- Matt

I don't hate the heat.

I just hate the extreme heat.

Please stop you sound like the Borg!

Hello everyone it's the Tuesday of Turpitude as usual and I have something to talk about as usual.


Something strange I have noticed in my classes throughout the years. Mostly science class.


As you all know in classes we are taught to memories things and then be able to spiel them all off during an exam with a reasonable understanding of what they mean. This is very common of course and it is the best way to learn things through repetition.


Though it is terrifying to see this kind of thing in action. Today in science class was yet another example of this indoctrination. Our teacher  was giving us a run through of the chemistry module and was asking the class questions.


She would ask a simple question or to explain something such as:
Explain the affects of a catalyst on a reaction...


Then almost half of the class would reply in a monotone drone:
It lowers the activation energy thus more particles have the activation energy therefore there are more successful collisions in a given time.


Now hearing a large group of the class say this in the same terrifying tone is, well, terrifying. From then on I just had pictures of everyone with pale skin and machinery sticking out of them saying:
"Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated."


Now I have little idea on whether this is a bad thing or a good thing but it still scares the crap out of me that even though the human mind is so powerful. It can be taught to spiel stuff off like a computer. Are we all truly that impressionable at our teenage years that we can be moulded and morphed by any adult into what can be described as an indoctrinated slave?


Now I am not saying adults are evil before someone sends me an angry email. I am saying that it is just scary how impressionable the mind is.


How can we call ourselves superior?


- Matt
I don't hate life.
I just hate life that is stupid.

I'll just read along because you aren't a psycho

Well hello everyone, isn't this just a lovely Lazy Sunday? For me it is. By most people's standards the weather is abysmal and moody. While to me the weather is perfect. Not because I am morbid and love grey skies and rain. I honestly just prefer grey skies and rain, for some reason it is nicer to me than the blazing heat and blinding light of a sunny day.


As I rode home on the bus this morning I once again observed the world passing by for inspiration for a blog post. Now the first thing I want to talk about is this:


I got on the bus and at the same time two others did, one of them was a woman in her 20s who was in my opinion rather attractive. Now I sat down first and even though there was probably over 13 seats on the bottom floor alone the woman chose to sit behind me. Now I have no delusion that she was into me or anything. Mostly because she waited at the stop with her partner. But I did however feel extremely complimented.


Someone sitting behind me on a bus says these two things:
A) I don't smell bad.
B) I don't look like a psycho killer.


Which are things I love having confirmed. Because quite frankly if you like being either or both of those things then you have a problem on your smelly homicidal hands.


To keep myself from going insane on the bus I listened to my music and read my favourite monthly magazine. While I was reading the magazine out of the corner of my eye I could see the woman sat behind me was looking in the magazine's direction. Which I thought was awesome.
A) Because it confirms woman like nerdy things.
B) The woman didn't feel threatened by me.
Now I would not have believed she was really reading my magazine until she got off and the next stop another reasonably attractive woman around the same age got on. Once again they sat behind me. Once again out of the corner of my eye I could see them looking at the magazine.


Now that either means my thumbs are amazingly interesting or that woman can be nerdy and be attractive. Though both of those things have already been confirmed.


I bow down to you nerdy girls, you are all beautiful. As you play video games and watch anime. What is more beautiful than that?


- Matt.
It's Sunday piss of I'm sleeping.