You see I was late because my car got hit by a meteor and then a cat chewed my feet.... Yeah.

It's 'Tabloid Tuesday' (Shut your face there aren't any words for Bad or Evil beginning with T other than turpitude) and I have -as always- something to rant about but if you had gotten tired of this then you wouldn't still be reading my post.


Now recently we switched to daylight savings time. I was not aware of this and ended up being one hour late for school. I walked into my English class and apologized and just said.
"Daylight savings."
Then I went to my seat.


What I thought almost as soon as I sat down was how crap an excuse that really is. How many people around the world must use that as an excuse for an extra hour in bed or something. I was truthful when I was late because I am one of few that is forgetful enough to forget when time moves forward and backward.


It got me thinking. People use extremely bad excuses all around the planet and there is no real reason to do it. Some people whom improvising comes naturally to are quick on their feet and able to come up with a logical excuse in moments such as.
"I'm sorry I had to get gas and some idiot had stalled in front of the exit."
But then comes the excuses I hear at high school.
"Sorry I'm late, I woke up right and went for a bath but the bath wouldn't work so I had to try and get it to work and I gave up then went for a shower instead cause we have two bathrooms like and then I realized I was late and I couldn't catch the bus that runs past my house so I had to get a lift but I couldn't get a lift etc, etc, etc."
Now there is obviously a big difference. One goes on for a long long time and the other is short and simple. You can tell a liar when they overcomplicate things.


Now I am not hear to teach people how to lie so I will get on with it. Many people just use the cliché excuses that are 50-50 chance of working or not. Which I don't mind but I will get onto this in a minute. But when someone tries to improvise and fails it just annoys me. Not because they are lying but because they are just doing it so badly.


If you know you can't think of something good why lie? Or at least just use a cliché. If you are a bad liar then don't try and be a good one. It isn't something you can improve on unless you pick up a fucking book and read more often and learn to deal with nerves.


Now the next thing I need to query is. Why lie in the first place? Unless you were really doing something that will get you fired just don't bother. I have seen people who have just gotten caught in traffic lie because they are just so nervous. It's just pointless.


Just tell them where you were.
"You see. I was at home, sleeping on my couch with chocolate all over my face. Why? Because I think this job is shit, the people are morons and the pay is crap. I really don't like you. Can someone get me some wine so when I look at you I don't cry?" That works right?


- Matt
I don't hate life.
I just hate life that is stupid.